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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|